As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good. Light is sweet, and it is pleasant for the eyes to see the sun. So if a person lives many years, let him rejoice in them all; but let him remember that the days of darkness will be many. All that comes is vanity. Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Walk in ways of your heart and the sight of your eyes. But know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment. Remove vexation from your heart, and put away pain from your body, for youth and the dawn of life are vanity. Ecclesiastes 11:5-10
I want to trust God. As a maker, pride and fear and glory-seeking can rule my heart naturally. I have this tendency, almost without thinking, to try to figure out what God is doing in my life based on clues I have noticed throughout my story. I actually think that I can see the arc He is painting in the story of my life. These can be potential jobs, potential dating prospects, potential art clients, all the way to the deepest longings in my life. In these moments, I think that I'm on the level of God's understanding. I also have this bizarre belief that if I figure out what He is doing, He will punish me and take it away. I confess that these thoughts are ridiculous and contrary to God's character and story. I could not be more wrong. He tenderly shows me that over and over again. Anybody else prone to thinking or doing things that are exactly the opposite of what you want to do? I'm so glad He has given me His Spirit to show me His Way.
In February, I embarked on my third year of my 28 days of Delight. I thought I had it figured out by now. I had a plan I was going to execute. Honestly, it was too commercially packaged for my glory. I had to be reminded of that meek place of delight that does not seek gain. God gently humbled me through the art process, new community, and His word to remind me I am not in control. As He was making me aware of my sin, He led me to a more beautiful place in seeing His Kingdom, not mine. All of a sudden, art was coming out of the place of delight I feebly attempted in name. This piece called Seeds was day 19.
I shared these words that day, "How wonderful that there is such a variety of seeds in the world! Each with all the potential of life, worth, beauty, nourishment, and multiplication! Aren't we a bit like seeds? We don't all have to be the same thing, but oh we must grow into the full potential, mustn't we? I hope that for you and me. But how can a seed grow itself? Maybe that's the point. To trust the good husbandry of the Maker. When he waters, prunes, weeds, and blooms, we can surrender to the process. His timing is perfect. I'm grateful I serve a God that does not leave me as I am, but does the work in me to be the most glorious I can be. SO here I am, growing, still learning, and struggling. May I yield the glory to give it back to Him. Yet, I am still a work in progress."
Having a garden this spring has been one of the best ways God is teaching me. I am reminded that really I do not do much, just the faithful obedience of watering and weeding and trusting His growing. Oh man, it's beautiful to be reminded I'm not the one who understands or controls it all. So refreshing! He really does have a better story than I could ever "figure out" or understand this side of heaven.
Heaven. The Kingdom Come. I do not know much, but I know I want to be a Kingdom Bearer. I want to be someone who surrenders to the leading of the good and just and powerful King. I want to stay in my lane and grow into whoever I am supposed to be in His plan. I do not want to compare myself to other seeds in the kingdom, but I want to celebrate our unique ways we get to be Kingdom Bearers. I want to be a good friend like Jesus who does not condemn me but encourages me kindly. I want to trust Jesus more.
One time 6 years ago, while staying in Athens, Greece, I was having a day with the Lord. After spending a lot of intentional time with Him in prayer and scripture, I had this beautiful thought planted in my heart and mind by Holy Spirit. I have been holding it close all this time, but I want to share with you today. I thought of God delighting in creating the tiniest little purple flower. How He felt and smiled and truly adored His creation. I do not know why that was the image He gave me, but I was moved to tears. It was more real to me than I can ever explain. How much more does He delight in His children that He has carefully and masterfully created?